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Today I gave up procrastination for Lent.
I’m in my dentist’s waiting room practicing my lies about flossing.
If by sexy you mean me licking the donut icing off my fingers then yes I can be damn sexy.
To everybody that is single don`t worry you will have your day ... Palm Sunday is just around the corner
I just had a moment of clarity. Glad that`s over with.
Technically, I don`t have to do anything until my wife wakes up and realizes I`m not doing anything.
Just rescued a Coca Cola that was trapped in the fridge!
there`s a fine line between "cocky" and "confidence"...and it just so happens I have perfect balance!
My lack of dusting will finally pay off on Halloween.
Stupid people who suddenly make a smart decision have no idea how confusing that is for the rest of us.
If the shoe fits . . . buy one in every color
I`ve officially met everyone`s mother yesterday via Facebook so I`m pretty sure that takes me out of the friend zone here ladies
I probably shouldn’t have driven home from the bar last night ... Especially as I walked there in the first place.
I saw a comedian one time who did nothing but make geography puns. talk abbottabad act.
"you failed just as much as your dads condom."