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I bet Waldo’s parents are worried sick.
Laugh now, but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world
Is a rivalry between two vegetarians still called a beef?
ATM is telling me I have insufficient funds. Worst part is I was just walking by minding my own business.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I’m coming to your house with a facking baseball bat.
The hardest thing about returning to work after a long weekend is remembering to fart quietly.
I like when videogames limit how many things you can hold. "You have 100 items in an invisible bag. Carrying another would be unrealistic"
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I remind myself that you cant always trust Google maps
Hi everyone! Welcome to AA. This is a "judgment free" zone...unless we`re talking about Janice who ate all the cookies last week.
Men ask us if we`re naked when we tell them we`re taking a bath. THAT`S why they pay more for their car insurance.
I hate when I oversleep at work and get home late.
Getting old sucks. I use to wake up feeling like a million bucks. Now I feel more like a bounced check.
Don`t you wish common sense would make a big comeback.
Fact: If you eat a slice of pizza fast enough, your body won`t understand how many calories are in it.
At any given time my wallet is worth more than its contents.