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My boss said we needed to find ways to save time and be more productive, so I just moved the coffee maker to my desk
Lord, grant me the courage to be the person I am under my breath.
good boys go to heaven bad boys go every where
I should be able to take a sick day if I am sick of the people I work with.
Next time you’re asked “What’s Up” respond “A delightful animated film about a young boy and an old man who fly away to an exotic place in a balloon house.”
Sarcasm is just one of the many services I offer to people who ask stupid questions.
slugs are snails that are going through a divorce
I do take my job seriously; To make sure there are no day old donuts at the local coffees shop.
Of all the martial arts, Karaoke inflicts the most pain.
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Red, Trees Are Red ... F*ck? my gardens on fire!
The early bird gets the worm. But the rest of the birds can get McGriddles until 10:30.
Don’t confuse my personality with my attitude. My personality is who I am. My attitude depends on who you are.
Like a good neighbor, strip clubs are there
Can you imagine if Facebook and Twitter just decided to shut down and you see all these confused people coming out of their house squinting at the sun.
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.