Mobile App Coming Soon - Daily Silly Status

Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I swear I`m allergic to alcohol. Every time I drink I seem to break out in handcuffs.
This nude beach would be great!...if I wasn`t the only one participating.
It`s 2014, people. Isn`t it about time we put an end to all this `wake up in the morning and go to work` nonsense?
If you’re happy and you know it, you’re probably exhausting to be around.
If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me more than a week to realize that I`m not at work anymore....
Nothing is more heartbreaking than unappreciated sarcasm!
No matter what life brings you, always take a lesson from your dog.. Kick some grass over that s**t and move on.
I want the job of placing pepperoni slices on frozen pizzas, because clearly whoever has it is now has problems.
So if a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should we trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
When I wake up at night, I reach out to you, I love you not for what you look like, I love you for what you have inside - Me to my fridge
One day id like to have a brand new Iphone like the lady in front of me with the food stamps.
I always assume anyone sitting alone in a car in the dark corner of a grocery store parking lot is waiting to meet a hitman who is running late.
Gardening is awesome because it is one of the only ways a normal person can be persuaded into buying actual bags of poop.
I try and inspire at least one person everyday to leave me the f*ck alone.
Ok ... I just had a talk with myself, and it did not go well. Now I`m grounded.