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I don`t mind helping people as long as I`m not slightly inconvenienced.
I wish I had a friend like me
I just watched a puppy do something really cute. It was like a real life YouTube video.
Perhaps Voldemort’s face is flat because he ran into the wrong wall at the train station.
Who cares about throwing stones? How do people in glass houses hide when somebody knocks on the door?
One day, I`m gonna wait for the Wal-Mart greeter to go on a bathroom break, step in their place, and begin welcoming everyone to K-mart.
I wonder who the first person was to look at a beehive and think, "those bastards are hiding something delicious in there, I know it!"
Now that I`m turning 40, I need to be careful about what I eat and drink and make sure I am getting my nutrients. That is why I just added pulp-free Orange Juice to my Vodka.
Stand for what you believe in. Or sit on the couch and have a couple of donuts. It`s a free country really.
More people should be at a loss for words.
It doesn`t matter if you don`t like my personality... I have several more!
I finally saw Kung Fu Panda. I`m certainly not an expert, but I thought the nunchuck scene looked kind of fake.
Why are there no owls here? I Was lead to believe there would by owls here. #hooters
People think I`m a hugger, but I`m actually shaking them down for snacks.
If you love someone, set them free. If they don’t come back, text them when you’re drunk.