Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Guinness for breakfast because its Ireland somewhere.
I feel like there’s something missing in my life and I don’t know if it’s a person, a dog, or just a pizza.
Whoever has my voodoo doll, please scratch between my butt cheeks..I`m in public.
You drink too much, swear too much and your morals are questionable. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted in a friend.
I am a little worried that every "evacuation route" sign is leading away from my house.
I just found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock,,,, people expect less of you.
The weekend is just a bittersweet memory.... I won`t cry because it`s over, I`ll smile because for a few miles they believed I was the real bus driver.
if your an astronaut, and you don`t end a relationship with "look, I just need space.." then your wasting everyones time
I hate it when my kid starts crying in the middle of the night and I have to get up to close the bedroom door.
I could write an entire book on excuses... but I have to drop my dog off at the airport.
I`m not sure who`s more drunk, me or the guy wrapped in Christmas lights standing in the mirror.
People often mistake me for being a good listener. The truth is, I really just don`t want to talk.
I just thought you should know, I just did all the laundry and didn`t lose a sock to the dryer monster...
I use my imagination to solve problems. And by imagination, I mean booze.
We should be thanking our Dads for bringing us into the world, not our Moms. She probably wasn`t in the mood...