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America: Where stairs are only used for emergency escape purposes.
Word on the street is... Lol. Jk. I don`t go outside.
Apparently slim chance and fat chance have the same meaning.
Sometimes I feel like giving up...Then I remember I have a lot of motherf*ckers to prove wrong
I`m pretty sure the whole "ladies first" thing was created by a guy just to check out girls butts.
"Iām not drunk!ā is an argument only very drunk people think they can win
Judging from the bar receipts, ATM withdraws, hand stamps, and the glitter in my car, I now realize I`m a ball of fun when I black out.
An elderly woman at an ATM asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. Yup, she needs a walker.
and alcohol are now friends.
Why can`t Miss Piggy count to 100? Cuz` when she gets to 69, she gets a frog in her throat!
You may think it`s bad grammar but I assure you it`s just laziness.
Getting my kids to the airport always feels like I`m recreating the first 10 minutes of "Home Alone."
Random Fact of the Day: Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.
when people fall in love they are called " love birds." when they fight they are called "angry birds."
Be Poor... Its Cheaper :)