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Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the smart one
Thanks to Facebook i now know what everyones bathroom looks like.
Women say they love a man in uniform but when i go clubbing in my McDonalds uniform none of them will talk to me....I`m confused
How do people rap? I can’t even talk without messing it up.
I worry about the future because I know my friends that are teachers.
"Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry."
You`d think the chances of putting in a USB drive wrongside-up would be 50-50, but nope, 90-10.
I know the voices aren`t real, but man do they come up with some great ideas.
Whenever I see a happy couple.... smiling, giggling, feeding each other food, whispering sweet nothings, very much in love..... I just wish I could give them a lie-detector test.
My wrinkles are all from laughter. Except those between my eyebrows. Those are my `WTF` lines and those things are deep.
It`s my birthday. I’m not just a year older, I’m also a year better and prettier ... I know your jealous ;)
Trust me , as you get to know me , i just get weirder.
If you have just started playing flappy bird I would like to warn you there is nothing up ahead but more dangling pipes and disappointment
A spider just tried to crawl across my hand and now how do you extract a fork from bone without causing more damage?
Hello... Modeling Agency? Ya, my selfie just got 34 likes I think I`m ready to go pro!