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Lord, grant me the courage to be the person I am under my breath.
I don’t understand how my house gets so messy when I literally sit in one spot with my phone all day.
We all have that one friend who always gives the best relationship advice , but is still single.
While waiting for the right person, have fun with the wrong one.
If weed is ever legalized, I can`t wait to see the commercials...
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
What about a To-Don`t List?
Just once, I`d like to see an honest Facebook status, like "happy birthday to my average-looking, sort of friend, Amanda!"
A man typed in search box on Google : “What do women want?”. Google Replied : “We are also searching…”
You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun.
I was the kid my parents warned me about.
I`m getting tired of having to write "Sent from my iPhone" at the end of all my e-mails. Maybe I should just get an iPhone.
Hash browns not tags.
I don`t care if you wear footie pj`s or sleep with a Snuggie. If you swish Listerine in your mouth for the full 30 seconds, you are BADA$$.
Mattel is launching a new Facebook Barbie. She looks like a stunning hot blonde on the package but is an old fat guy when you open the box.