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That awkward moment when you give the same Hallmark card two years in a row.
At a four way stop, it`s obvious that the vehicle bearing the most duct tape goes first.
iOS 8 let`s you passcode lock specific apps? It`s fun imagining how many break ups that will cause.
Ladies, life is short. So buy the shoes!
Just once...one time; can`t we buy a tree that doesn`t try to attack me when I come home drunk at 2am.
Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.
You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket .. I´d miss you alot and think of you often.
If you don`t leave a buffet looking like someone told you bad news you didn`t get your money`s worth.
When I`m at the mall, I carry a purse around so people think I have a girlfriend.
The human body can survive three weeks without food, three days without water but only three hours without wifi.
If I had three wishes, I`d use one for boobs. Because I`m pretty sure I could get everything else that I wanted if I had boobs.
Ya know what I really hate about mornings? People start talking to me!
Is running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels? - Bfanch
I think the lady at the movies is "shushing" me, but I can`t tell because I`m eating Doritos.
Is there really a need for constipation medicines and stool softeners in a world where burritos and tacos exist?