Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I wish my kids came with a handbook.... Hardcover, preferably. So I have something to hit them with.
Wtf? I was always told to treat people the way I want to be treated.. Stupid sexual harassment charges pending.
The only people who care about my college degree are the college loan people.
"Being naked isn`t fun" - said no one ever.
Are you thinking what I`m thinking? ... F**king pervert. I`m calling the cops.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
How many boxes of these Thin Mints do I need to eat before I start seeing results?
If my glass is half full then I start wondering where my bartender is.
I like how Sesame Street just casually has a vampire hanging around.
I’m hopelessly addicted to placebos ..I’d give them up, but it’d make no difference.
I`ll bet whoever said "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" had just farted
Living with a child is like using a blender with no lid...
I hope when I die Charlie Sheen`s life flashes before my eyes.
Women should run the world. That will give men more time to drink beer and watch sports.
Forget Klondike, you should see what I`d do for an open bar.