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If you didn`t hear it with your own ears or see it with you own eyes. Don`t invent it with your small mind, and share it with your big mouth.
I`ve been knocking for ten minutes. Don`t people answer their bathroom windows anymore?
Tonight`s good mood is sponsored by ... Beer!!
Movies are so unrealistic. This guy`s using his computer to access an alien ship & not once has it asked if he wants to upgrade his Adobe.
Have I posted my Alzheimers joke yet?
Honestly, I’ver never see anyone fall because of a banana.
If you`re sick and tired of every Asshole on Facebook asking you to copy and paste stuff as your status, please copy and paste this as your status.
I’m beginning to think that I buy bananas just to watch them die a slow death in my kitchen.
This Halloween, the only Candy I`m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
Today, I did it hard, I did it loud, it was wet, and I did it four times in a row. I wish I wasn’t talking about sneezing.
Remember before the internet when all the people at the video store knew you watched porn alone on Saturday mornings
If one teacher cannot teach every subject, then how come one student is expected to learn all the subjects.
I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell.
That awkward moment when you sing the wrong part of a song with confidence.
You know what`s wrong with winning a hundred thousand dollars? ... Not a damn thing!