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I wonder what “don’t touch” is in Braille....
Urban Dictionary has saved me from asking so many awkward questions.
There`s no better reminder to visit your dentist than a trip to Walmart.
I`m not a Dr. or a Nutritionist, but I`m pretty sure the worst thing you can put into any high fat/ high calorie dish is your fork.
Congratulations! I`ve finally snapped, and you`re first on my list!
My workout plan really only consists of me wandering around in parking lots because I forgot where I parked...
I love this oscillating fan, 5 out of every 15 seconds.
Life gets a lot easier once you decide to become part of the problem.
Someday, I`ll live in my OWN basement!
I miss times when I was working at the zoo... my boss fired me just because I left the lion`s gate open.... I mean who would steal a lion
Don`t pick on Aquaman! The crime rate underwater is pretty damn low the last time I checked.
Everything I know about women, I learned from the Wizard of Oz. For example: If a woman sees a pair of shoes she wants, she`ll drop a house on the bitch to get them.
If you can`t handle your alcohol I would gladly help you out
Ok everyone enough of your "family" time, come back to the internet. We are your real family.
Just spent a week building a time machine. That’s seven days of my life I’m going to get back.