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This debt collector was just so surprised I answered my phone that they stuttered and hung-up lmao!!
I think its nice my vacuum cleaner has head lights. Just in case I wanna wake up in the middle of the night and clean in the dark, or wake up my dog making him think he’s getting hit by a
FB friends, no one gives a ratsass what concerts you went to...
I used to be a terrible flirt ... I am much better at it now.
I know two wrongs don`t make a right, obviously. But how many does it take? I`m like on 756.
It`s time for all of us to admit the "endorphin rush" you get after exercise is just an overwhelming sense of relief it`s over
In order to get my teenagers attention I shut off the WiFi router and wait for them in the room it`s in.
I don’t have time for the nervous breakdown I deserve.
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I know u r but what am I ?
Trust me... You don`t want my undivided attention.
Twinkle twinkle little star, I want to hit you with my car.
Happy Fathers Day from your handsomerist and smarterist son
The Super Bowl is over, everyone. Time to briefly learn the names of some Winter Olympians.
Learned a lesson from my dog tonight ... No matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that sh1t and move on.