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Since you were smiling when you tazed me, I`m guessing we still have a chance.
Do you know what really makes me smile? Facial muscles.
You`re the reason I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to goto work.
It is totAlly unnecessary to put a PM after 23:00.
I`m not an alcoholic I just have a lot of things to celebrate.
Weird that we don`t see more pants on fire
Having sex is like doing FRACTIONS... It`s IMPROPER for the larger one to be on top.
Still haven`t cashed in my winning megamillions ticket...scared the $6 will make my friends treat me different.
This girl is ignoring me like a check engine light.
Have you ever thought about how weird it is that one of your hands is dumber than the other?
I`m out like a fat kid playing dodge ball..
Dr. Oz says having 1/2 hour of sex is equivalent to running 6 miles. I guess I`m going to the gym today.
If the best things in life really are free, why am I still getting charged at the liquor store? I call bullshit
"I can`t wait to have you inside me," I whispered softly to my dinner.
I was at the hospital earlier today and saw a cute girl with a cast on her leg. Naturally, my first thought was "Hey, this one can`t run away..."