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Financial status: I hope United Airlines drags me off my flight
It`s real cute how pedestrians confuse "right of way" with immortality.
I miss the good old days when we blamed Marilyn Manson for all our problems.
Pandas are proof that if you have a cute enough outfit no one will call you fat.
I`m here to pick you up when you fall. Whether I tripped you is another thing...
You can really scare someone when you yell "Peek-a-boo!". Especially when they`re trying on clothes in the fitting room.
I always wonder if the people sitting near me at church every Sunday are unsettled by the fact that I take my communion like a shot of cheap vodka because I`m still in a party mode
The only cat like reflex I possess is turning and staring at the wall when you talk to me.
Some psychologists say that sleeping naked can help boost a person`s confidence, but nobody in this park seems to appreciate it.
I don’t love being single but I do love being happy.
If anybody out there happens to have my voodoo doll, can u please scratch my balls. I happe to be in a public place at the moment.
Yes, Facebook says we`re `friends` but, trust me, I wouldn`t hesitate to punch you in the face.
If you expect the world to be fair with you because you are fair with them....its like expecting a lion not to eat you because you don`t eat lion.
If you really want to know how she feels about you, get her drunk & then piss her off.
Anyone who calls it a "day off with the kids"... Either has no kids or doesn`t know what "day off" means.