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Between Criminal Minds, CSI, Law and Order, Castle, and Monk...I am now fairly confident I can get away with pretty much anything.
You guys can laugh at my cargo pants all you want, but I just walked out of Taco Bell with 350 sauce packets.
Waiting to see how long it takes this police sketch artist to realize I`m describing him.
Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza
I wish my GPA looked like the gas prices right now...
My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I`m camping, I won`t be covered.
I use to be addicted to soap, but now I`m clean
If kids get money for losing teeth, what do I get for all this hair I’m losing?
Don`t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
We are guaranteed "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness". So, why did happiness get a Lamborghini and I got a `74 Pinto?????
At Starbucks drive up window. Me: large iced chai please Them: you mean a venti? Me: large iced chai. Them: we call a large a venti. Me: Do you want a large tip or a venti tip? Them: large iced chai, please pull up.
Donald Trump`s hair saw its shadow. We have six more weeks of protesting.
More funny statuses will be posted here soon
I`m starting to think that some of you are misspelling words on porpoise.
“I wonder how much weight I’ve lost.” -Me, after eating one healthy meal.