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If you bend over and place your ear next to a girls vagina , you can clearly hear her say "WTF are you Doing!"
If you tell someone your Birthday and they automatically know your astrological sign, run as fast as you can away from them.
After dinner I like to sit in the garden in my underwear and smoke a cigarette.....but apparently that`s not done at this hotel....
Why do crutons come in resealable bags? Are we really worried about them going stale?
The WWF advert asks, “When the ice goes, where do the polar bears go?” ... Well, swimming, I suppose.
Remember, no matter how bad a day you may be having, no matter how sh!tty a situation you may be in... I`m feeling great. So it`s all good!
I’m offering a $1000 reward to anyone who brings me $1000 and a taco.
Hey NFL, solution to your recent problem, start allowing players to hit each other on the field again
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What`s on TV?" I said, "Dust." And then the fight started...
If you haven`t used your fingers to "expand" a picture in a Magazine today, well then you`re not me.
Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face.
I think my downstairs neighbors are beginning to suspect I`m living in their attic...
Facebook, the lost and found for people. . .
Sex Is Like Math: Add The Bed, Subtract The Clothes, Divide The Legs, And Pray To God You Don`t Multiply!
My new diet plan consists of multiple naps. Because you can`t stuff your face when you`re sleeping.