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You`re so dumb you have to get naked to count to 21.
So how many women out there think men are pigs? Gimme a show of tits!
No Girlfriend November was a success, now for Don`t Date December, Just Me January, Forever Alone February, No Match March..... I got this.
I’m not getting old. I’m becoming a classic.
Today`s Big Idea: Coffee eye drops.
Ladies and Gentleman, I’ve traveled a long way, crossed many bridges, fought my way through countless obstacles, all to bring you this one sad truth about life. There’s never enough beer.
Keep reaching for the stars but please get a better deodorant.
If you`re not afraid when someone is flipping through the photos on your phone then you`re probably boring.
When I first went on the pill, I put on some weight. Which proved to be a very effective contraceptive.
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside!
Ghetto Word of the Day: Window "Imma pay my baby mamma her child support. I just don’t know window".
Why has no one invented a button next to snooze which emails your boss to say you`re gonna be late?
I`m at my most cardio when I am moving the treadmill into storage
Most bags of sand live a tough life stopping floods. But some, the lucky ones, live a leisurely life tied to the basket of a hot air balloon
I can`t believe these women are just walking around with yoga mats like a game of yoga might just break out at any moment