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Jimmy is short for James? This is where I think English is stupid. They have the same number of letters. Do they even know what short means?
I was laying down, looking up at the stars while I was writing this post. Then it dawned on me; `Where the heck is the ceiling?`
You know you`re addicted to your iphone when you start using your fingers to zoom into things on your laptop computer. Or a printed photo. Or a book. Or your watch.
I hope we`re friends until we die and then I hope we stay ghost friends and walk through walls and scare the sh!t out of people.
Sometimes I`ll catch my reflection in a mirror and I`ll be like, "oh no, that can`t be right."
The only thing that makes me happy about the launch of a new model cell phone is that I can finally afford the previous model.
My Ex-Wife: Our relationship is like being in prison! ME: I don’t think so. People have sex in prison.
I`d be super embarrassed if people saw my google history but only because its all words I should really know how to spell by now
My life is a very complicated drinking game
Sometimes I watch sports holding an xbox controller just to screw with my girlfriend`s head...
Only awesome people are allowed to ‘LIKE’ this status!
A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon!
People who cook Hot Pockets in the oven, Where are you getting all this free time?
Don´t you just hate it when people say stuff in their status that you really didn´t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop.
OK so i have an idea ............... wait why are you all running away?