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Well today I turned 26, not because I wanted to, but only because Facebook limits how many times you can actually change your birth year !
Do gun manuals have Trouble Shooting sections?
Show me in the employee handbook where it says I have to like you. Go on, I`ll wait.
I`m glad people are exercising but I want to see cooler activities posted on FB. Like "I spent 1 hour wrestling a bear. 110 calories burned."
*puts selfie on top of christmas tree because I am the star*
Your shadow is a confirmation that light has traveled nearly 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet thanks to you
I should come with a warning label.
If anyone ever steals my identity, I hope they show it a good time. Take it skydiving. We`ve always wanted to go skydiving.
I wish I could select all my responsibilities and press delete.
If I had to describe myself in one word, it would be "bad at following directions."
Hard liquor because I don`t don`t have time or patience to sit around drinking 9 bottles of wine every day
Of course China is dominating the olympics, they probably made all of the equipment.
*Opens box of cereal* We’ve updated our Privacy Policy
It’s not pretty being easy.
Mosquito`s and parking inspectors must be from the same family...