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Funniest thing ever heard on TV. "Ward, you were a little hard on the Beaver last night"
I’m eating for two – me and that skinny girl inside my body. She likes cake, too.
Leaving the house would be so much cooler if someone would yell “Aaaaand Action!” as I walk out the door.
Gatorade always has athletes in their commercials sweating and working hard. They really should target their real consumer. A Fat guy on the couch nursing a hangover. Is it in you?
Men are like cheap dishes - easily broken & completely replaceable!
went to see the conjuring, and now there`s 10 crosses, four bibles, and a poster of Chuck Norris in my room.
Ever had one of those days that you feel like you should have skipped the morning coffee and went straight for the booze?
Whenever there’s an awkward silence, try whispering, “Did you forget your line?”
If a woman tells you that you’re right, that’s called sarcasm.
Accept the craziness. Life will be a bore without it.
There is 2 address we will always know by heart, 1: Our Own, and 2: P. Sherman 42 wallyby way Sydney!
My New Years Resolution for 2015 is to stop being so impatient.
i hate that the sun comes up so early
I`m not real excited that the wrapping on my toilet paper said `100% Recycled`.
There`s a thin line between "I should write a status about that" and "I should talk to my therapist about that"....