Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
not to brag but I finished this 14 day diet in 3 hours and 38 minutes.
Marriage teaches you a lot about yourself. For instance, I`ve learned that I don`t need to use so many paper towels, and they`re expensive.
Please excuse me for talking while you were interrupting.
My credit rating is so bad I got turned down for a magazine subscription.
"This is bullsh!t" - bull farmer giving barn tours
Look at the keyboard. It has `U` and `I` together. Look underneath that. It says `JK`.
In terms of procrastination, I had a very productive day.
I can`t be trusted with your alphabet magnets.
My favorite all time cooking shows: 1. Iron Chef 2. Hell`s Kitchen 3. Breaking bad
I go both ways. I like hard AND soft tacos.
I wish I was as skinny as I was the first time I thought I was fat.
I hate it when someone turns the light on while I`m sleeping and I`m like O_-
I didn’t sell my soul to the devil….we worked out a rent-to-own deal.
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental issues
My favorite machine at the gym is the one you put change in and snacks come out