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when she says "size doesn`t matter" what she really means is "I have been disappointed before." :)
If suppositories were just a bit smaller, they would be a whole lot easier to swallow...........................
Netflix doesn’t care if u showered or not
Sorry, everyone, it looks like my Facebook account was hacked by tequila last night...
They might as well put "Uhhh..." in front of every item on drive-thru menus.
Don`t come to my door wanting to talk about the Lord. I don`t come to your door wanting to talk about wine and vibrators, do I?
The most powerful I ever feel is waving pedestrians to walk in front of my car. “Go forth, and trust that I will not kill you.”
Why do we only crave what`s bad for us? Alcohol, deep fried food, sex with strangers. You never hear anyone say "I`d kill for some salad"
I`ve come to the sad realization nobody will ever triumphantly pour Gatorade on me for any reason
If I can’t act weird around you, I’m sorry we can’t be friends.
Starting tomorrow: Whatever Life throws at me… I’m gonna duck so it hits someone else.
The parents with the ugliest babies take and post the most pictures.
Unless you are selling Thin Mints, don’t ever knock on my door.
If Wendy`s think their square burgers are so awesome, why don`t they use square buns?
Apparently I`d rather debate in my mind whether or not to get up and pee than sleep.