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Going to drink straight from the carton because I`m a badass!
“Do you have a charger?” is the new “Could I bum a cigarette?”
WARNING!! I have character defects and I`m not afraid to use them.
I wish I could just “like” a text so I don’t have to respond.
You are intriguing. You require further stalking, sorry I mean investigation.
Friendship must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, nudity, inappropriateness, and shenanigans.
I`m not above slashing my own tires to avoid going to this family brunch.
They`ve got this brand new machine at the gym. I only used it for about an hour because I started to feel sick, but it`s awesome - it`s got Mars Bars, KitKat Chunkys, Cheetos, crisps.... everything!
Before you judge me, know that I don`t give a crap. Ok, go ahead.
Things that keep me awake # 408...How do Amish girls know if it’s a romantic candlelit dinner or just regular dinner?
I have a fear of speed bumps, but I`m slowly getting over it.
Divorce... The most common home improvement project.
Do Me: a favor. - Punctuation is important.
I know what I`m getting for Christmas ... Fat. I`m getting fat.
I just did a weeks worth of cardio after I walked into a spider`s web.