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If someone is uncomfortable watching you masturbate they; A. Have intimacy issues B. Are frigid C. Should sit somewhere else on the bus
I donate blood 5 times a year just so I`m less and less related to some of my relatives.
Given enough coffee, I could rule the world.
You know what’s funnier than watching someone trip and fall? Absolutely nothing!
Oh, he uses you for sex? Stop bitching…Sex is awesome. Complain when he’s using you for laundry….. or a human shield.
if money grew of trees, girls would be dating monkeys
Researchers claim that the Internet is making us dumber and more impatient. I don`t get it. Moving on.
bitches want what they cant have..or thats what I keep telling myself
500 recipes pinned to my Pinterest board. Eating a peanut butter & jelly sandwich.
Roses are red, violets are blue, daisies are white, sunflowers are yellow. This florist has everything.
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
I wouldn`t mind all the penis enlargement emails if they weren`t coming from my wife.
I’ve never been a millionaire, but I know I’d be excellent at it.
If pulled over, immediately ask the officer if they`ve been drinking in order to establish dominance.
Today’s forecast.. mostly cloudy with a 99.9% chance of alcohol