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So tell me, does it hurt to be so full of sh!t?
People that say “money doesn’t buy happiness” obviously have never been divorced.
This generation is guilty of making the wrong people rich and famous.
WHAT DO WE WANT!!! A cure for hangovers WHEN DO WE WANT IT!!! Please stop yelling
You`re about 8 beers away from being my type.
If my body was a car, I`d trade it in for a newer model. Cause everytime I cough or sneeze, my radiator leeks and my exhaust backfires.
Never fight anyone who bows to you first.
Summer: Hair gets lighter. Skin gets darker. Water gets warmer. Drinks get colder. Music gets louder. Nights get longer. Life gets better.
I overheard this guy bragging about his fancy hotel sweet. Ptttsht. They are nothing but cheap a$$ mints!
I see you posted a photograph of snow with the caption "it`s cold" could you tell me more about that
You know you had an interesting day when your Google search history includes "rubber panda".
I really would love to see two mimes arguing
My kid go from "omg...you`re impossible I can`t wait until I`m 18!" To "You`re the best mom ever" in a matter of $100
.Monday: No. Tuesday: Ugh. Wednesday: Why. Thursday: Omg. Friday: Finally. Saturday: Yes. Sunday: Crying.
Her: Do you want to run away with me? ME: We won`t actually be running, right?