Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I just ran 3.5 miles in 30 minutes! Ha! Just kidding, I ate some ice cream.
I’ll call it a “smart phone” the day I yell, “Where’s my phone?!” and it answers, “I’m here! Under your covers!”
Take my advice, I don’t use it anyway.
Maybe Voldemort`s face is flat because he ran into the wrong wall at the train station.
Sorry, I can`t hangout. My uncle`s cousin`s sister in law`s best friend`s insurance agent`s roommate`s pet goldfish drowned. It was tragic.
If a woman repeats what you just said in the form of a question, you`ll be dead soon.
Do midgets still start their childhood stories off with, "When I was little"
People who say watching golf on TV is boring have obviously never listened to golf on the radio
So apparently RSVP`ing back to a wedding invite `maybe next time` isn`t the correct response
Debate?.....isn`t that what you use to catch "The Fish" ?
My neighbor`s facebook movie is just a montage of me caught on surveillance video, stealing his newspaper every morning.
The Gym is like Church. Everybody thinks that by going one hour, one day, they`ll erase what they did during the week.
If I had a penny for everytime I heard you bitch at me I`d have enough money to invest in a hitman
Porn can be so misleading. I quit my pizza delivery job after two days.
I pretty much spend all day, every day, just looking forward to going back to sleep.