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The only difference between fear and adventure is how much you breathe.
Some will forget, the others are simply women.
why does a round pizza comes in a square box?
How do they even grow boneless chicken`s?
Admit it...Life yould be boring without me.
If you don’t feel just a little bit of shame after the weekend… you’re not doing it right.
Porn Spoiler.......The plumber doesn`t fix the leak in the kitchen sink...
Where do all the ice cream men go in winter?
The invention of the shovel was groundbreaking!
My girlfriend is now mad at me because I didn’t know why she was mad at me.
My daughter asked me why I carry a gun inside the house. I told her I was scared of the CIA. She laughed. I laughed. Amazon Echo laughed.
Being a little bit crazy is like being a little bit pregnant - you can only hide it for so long.
Don`t you just love it when you see someone who is photogenic, looks perfect in every picture but then when you see them in person you`re like EURGH God Damn! What happened to you in the last 24h!
Dr. Oz says having 1/2 hour of sex is equivalent to running 6 miles. I guess I`m going to the gym today.
Golf is finally starting to pay off. I just signed a contract with Nike for a large sum of money in return for agreeing never to be seen playing with any of their equipment.