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Radio Shack has stayed in business with a name combining something no one buys anymore and a type of building no one wants to go into.
I never get nervous or embarrassed. That`s just some sh*t that sober people who leave the house have to worry about.
is "insert clever remark here."
Nothing says "I dont take you seriously" like your dog wagging his tail when you`re yelling at him.
Killing spiders is easy and fulfilling if you imagine them whispering "You look fat in those pants".
You can`t make me believe there`s a shortage of jobs in this country when there are 23 cash registers at WalMart and only 3 cashiers.
With all the potato chip flavors available now, I see no point in buying actual food...
Why can’t I lose weight easily I mean I lose everything else without a problem.
Whenever someone asks me to sign their cast, I always like to write: "Last warning, you have a week to get the rest of the money together."
I think, therefore i`m single.
You know it’s cold outside when you go outside and it’s cold.
It was so cold today the local flasher was caught "describing" himself to women.
That awkward moment when you take a bath in the middle of the day and don`t know whether to wear normal clothes or pajamas.
I tried yoga and I think my downward dog looked more like winnie the pooh getting stuck in rabbit`s door.
Apple and Blackberry should team up and make a phone called the Pie.