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Seriously, ladies. If you just stop sleeping with douchebags eventually their species will go extinct. Look at the big picture here.
I don’t like being told what to do…unless I’m naked.
Ladies, if a man says he will fix it, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it.
It is totAlly unnecessary to put a PM after 23:00.
Not all girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. I`m made of sarcasm, wine and everything fine.
Why would you pay $80 for a bra at Victoria’s Secret when I can hold your boobs up all day for free.
FACT: Every zoo is a petting zoo, if you’re brave enough.
I`m no auto mechanic but I`m pretty good at letting people who drive behind me know whether or not they need new brakes
I dont pay for cabs if I’m too drunk to drive. I find the nearest Dominos, order a pizza delivery to my house & ask for a ride home with it.
I wish that we lived in a world where a chicken could cross the road without getting its motives questioned.
Live For Today… Plan For Tomorrow… Party Tonight!
Gonna try out my new drinking game tonight... 1. Turn on the news. 2. Take a drink every time the word FERGUSON is said!
You would think a popular place like the Krusty Krab would have more than two employees.
Due to political correctness issues, "Krazy Glue" will now be known as "Mental Disorder Glue."
I try and inspire at least one person everyday to leave me the f*ck alone.