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I swear that logging in to Facebook has become the equivalent of opening the fridge door and staring inside even though you`re not hungry.
You don`t see faith healers working in hospitals, just like you don`t see psychics winning the lottery every week.
Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you`ll get if you`re able to "fall asleep right now."
honestly I`ve never seen a tombstone that read "died from not forwarding a text to 10 people"
Something I will never understand: Why it’s acceptable for people to be idiots but not acceptable for me to point it out.
When sliding down the banister of life, always make sure that the end is knob free!
Turbo Tax might just be the worst video game I`ve ever played.
One day I will solve all problems with grace & maturity. Today is not that day...
I wasn`t that drunk! "Bro, you went to the train station, smashed yourself against the wall, while yelling, Hogwarts here I come!"
Free middle fingers for everyone!!!
According to WebMD, MedicineNet, Healthline, Mayo Clinic, Symptom Checker, NetDoctor, MedlinePlus, Johns Hopkins and InfoMedNet, I`m OCD.
As you get closer and closer to the end of this status, I think it`s important that you lower your expectations.
Hi you`ve reached my voicemail,,, Please leave your name, number and a damn good reason why this conversation couldn`t be done over text
I don`t even understand Fantasy Football. There are no Dragons, Wizards, or hot ass Elven chicks. I call bullsh!t.
I`m starting to think that adult supervision is a myth. In fact, my eyes seem to be getting worse.