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They sell Harvard shirts at Target so that’s a good way to save $ 399,984.05.
keeps getting dirty voicemails from unknown numbers. If it`s you.. Send more
If you play my workday backwards, it’s actually a nice story about idiots getting less and less annoying.
Gun Control: Use both hands
Married people always ask when you’re getting married like they get points for recruiting to their club of misery.
Roses are red. Monsters are green. Just look in the mirror. You`ll know what I mean.
Buying a smart car seems like a good idea until you hit a squirrel and flip over a few times.
If he pauses a video game to text you, he`s probably already losing, no need to feel special or anything,
I believe in love at first sight or as science calls it, "boners."
The people who make medicine clearly have no idea what fruit tastes like
I just realized that I haven`t done the "Hockey Pokey" in over 10 years. I guess when you get older, you just forget what it`s all about.
The only correct answer to the question are you sleeping is no.
I only say "bless you" twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume it didn`t take and you`re a demon who must be destroyed.
"you failed just as much as your dads condom."
Porn can be so misleading. I quit my pizza delivery job after two days.