Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When I try to fold fitted sheets it looks like I’m in an infomercial that’s exaggerating how difficult it is to fold fitted sheets.
If you watched a person cut a piece of wood, would that be sawed or seen?
I swear Mosquitos have a chart of the human body they study before they leave their nest...They seem to always bite on the worst possible places.. It`s like they huddle up and make a plan: "Ok Sally, you take the toe knuckles.. Betty, you get the crack behind the knee, Mary, you take the ankles, and I`ll take the finger knuckles..Ready? Break!"
You must have been born on a highway. Most accidents take place there.
Why would I buy a pumpkin at the store for $5 when I can drive 30 miles and pay to walk through a field to pick our own for $27.
I miss that feeling you`d get at the video store when you discovered the movie you wanted to rent was available.
Is that a selfie or did you just photobomb a picture of your filthy bathroom?
I don`t think I get enough credit for the fact that I do all of this unmedicated.
When I procrastinate, current me really expects a lot out of future me.
I`m not saying I can perform miracles or anything, but when the Taco Bell employee isn`t looking,, I can turn water into Sprite.
Despite being a pain in the a$$, you have to admit I still bring a lot to the table.
Sometimes I want to comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don’t wanna have to explain why I’m in your ‘Random Party Pics 08' album at 4am.
The only way I`ll ever run a marathon is if I set up the booths and hand out tags.
Ladies, stop looking for a guy to sweep you off your feet. Sweeping is your job
scientific fact: never tell a woman she`s crazy unless you want to see crazy.