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If you see anything posted from me that involves something normal or appropriate, it is not me. I believe I`ve been hacked.
Hi, welcome to adulthood! You`ll be constantly tired except for right before you need to go to sleep.
This liquid diet crap is a scam. I`ve been drinking beer since last Tuesday and I`m still fat.
A lot of people do not realize that the actor who played Wilson in Castaway is the same actor from the volleyball scene in Top Gun.
Does anyone know how much water I`m supposed to add to this baby powder, to make an infant?
I said I was good at making decisions. I didn`t say the decisions I made were good.
Dear Maytag: Why don`t your dryers have a Fold cycle? It`s 2018 for chrissake!
Will you go with me to my therapist tomorrow? He thinks I`m making you up.
A massage is just professional petting for humans.
If someone tells you `I love you` but you don`t feel the same way and don`t wanna make it awkward just say `I love YouTube` really fast
This drag race is not at all what I expected. Are they in dresses inside of the cars, at least?
That prince in Sleeping Beauty doesn`t get enough credit for kissing someone who hadn`t brushed her teeth in forever.
Stealing other people`s statuses on Facebook is called a Facelift.
Every photo taken inside my house has at least one laundry basket in the background.
Do you smoke? Smokers: "Yes." Non-Smokers: "Never have, never will." Stoners: "Smoke what?"