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Hey dude who flipped me off in the Subway parking lot for honking at you, you left your dinner on top of your car.
“Are you working right now? Where are you working?” Facebook is worse than my parents.
I dont think McDonald`s french fries are real food. Just found one under my car seat from two months ago and it looked perfect ... Tasted fine, too.
My neighbor came rudely banging at my door at 2:30 am, luckily for him I was up practicing on my new drums
How can I love nature when it did this to my hair?
Coffee keeps me busy until it`s time to be drunk.
Families should be able to trade people, just like professional sports teams.
people say nobody`s perfect..i made nobody!..
Kim and Kanye have been married WAY longer then I expected.
I refuse to celebrate Earth Day until Wind & Fire are recognized.
Did you ever wonder why the cat was in the bag in the first place?
Pizza doesn’t ask questions. Pizza understands.
Next time you take your dog for a walk, dress like a cop & pretend to be searching the neighborhood for drugs.
I must have drank more than I thought last weekend...there`s an entire hour that I don`t remember!
Research is what I`m doing when I don`t know what I`m doing.