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A recent survey revealed that 4 out of 5 women think I`m an a-hole...
That`s weird, all this time I thought the Birds and the Bees was a dance from the 50`s.
I’ve come to the realization that the trash goes out more than I do.
There`s no easy way to steal a watermelon.
Every time you have McDonald’s as a kid, it’s a victory. Every time you have it as an adult, it’s a defeat.
Got bored today so I dressed up in tan pants and a blue shirt then went into Best Buy and quit.
There is no angry way to say `bubbles.`
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can´t remember the other two.
Hey Guys! I havent seen you since last year!(;
To be honest, I´m just fishing for compliments tonight.
Not only am I a master of suspense, but I...
I believe in sharing the road with other drivers. They can have the part behind me.
I like when people call me "Sir". I just wish they wouldn`t follow it up with "you`re making a scene."
Let this be known as my Living Will. I do not wish to be cremated. If the Zombie Apocalypse happens I would like to be a part of it.
Why do they call it "Jew-ish"? Are they not Jew enough?