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I don`t wanna make this weird but that`s just kinda how I do things.
The only government agency that listens to you is the NSA.
Nothing is more dangerous than a woman “gathering her thoughts”.
Honk if you are reading this.
If you say "I slept like a baby" in front of me, I`ll ALWAYS assume you woke up every 2 hours, pissed yourself and cried for your mommy.
What if every time a song pops into your head, it’s really just your brain intercepting one of the bajillion radio signals bouncing around you?
´s status message is better than yours
Dude, I can`t post AND know when the light turns green. I`m pretty, not magical.
Do you remember that creepy guy who stood behind you on a train 6 years ago and was smelling your hair? Hi!
When I text someone and they dont text me back, I automatically assume that they fainted from overexcitement.
Since it is the day to give thanks, I would like to say once again...you`re welcome.
Porn & love songs. Destroying reality forever.
It`s amazing how much more money I have when I`m drunk.
is it too late to wrap myself up like a baby and drop myself off on a billionaire’s doorstep
What`s wrong with having your mind in the gutter all the time?! If it weren`t for the gutter, my mind would be homeless!!!