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A Lion would never cheat on his wife.. but a Tiger wood.
Hating everything saves countless hours of decision making.
Hi, you`ve reached my voicemail. Why didn`t you text me? I`ll never call you back. Like, ever. You`d have better luck with a telegram.
You can tell yourself that Sesame Street is educational but Cookie Monster has lived there for like 40 years and still can`t conjugate verbs.
Is life fair? Short answer, no. Long answer, nooooooo.
I used to care ... but I take a pill for that now.
The Push Up ice cream company should just buy out Pringles and make all of our lives easier.
Pizza: 73% delicious, 27% also delicious.
I can make your gf scream louder than you can. - Spider
I never mix business with pleasure, ......unless i call an escort.
I guess I need to buy some new drink coasters because I finally ran out of AOL free trial CDs.
Pumpkin for sale! [slightly used]
If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you... I would start thinking about you.
Alcohol doesn`t get people drunk, people get people drunk. Drunk people get other drunk people extra drunk.
When I ask a girl I like why she and her ex broke up and she says "we just didn`t work out" I already know I have no chance since I hate working out