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Just dropped part of a cookie into my printer, so I hit "copy"
If you got up this morning and ran straight to fb i am 100% POSITIVE its because you missed me.
Before I wash my socks, I just throw one in the trash.
When I die I want my body donated to science; specifically a scientist who is working on bringing dead people back to life
Hump Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nothing is quite so annoying as to have someone go right on talking when you`re interrupting!
I bought a Tempurpedic mattress just so that I’d have an excuse to go to sleep with a giant glass of wine every night.
The trouble with bucket seats is that, not everybody has the same size bucket.
Due to the rise in the economy, the position 69 will now be 96, due to the higher cost of eating out.
Peppermint schnapps might seem like a ridiculous drink, but nobody at work ever complains about my breath.
The only toys I was allowed to play with in the tub were the dirty dishes.
Probably the worst thing you can do to a person is leave them a voicemail.
Still have not used all the free hours from my AOL start up disk
Home is where the alcohol is.
Today’s Generation: “Omg my parents never let me have anything.” via iPhone.