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It`s been a boring day today. Not exactly Nascar boring, but awfully close.
When I was a kid and was going to "get it" that was bad. Now I`m an adult and I`m going to "get it" :)
If I drunk text you and you`re sleeping, don`t text me in the morning. That ship has sailed.
You`re never too old to learn stupid sh!t
You laugh because I`m different ........... I laugh because I farted.
Seems like 2013 was just yesterday.
What Flickering Lights Mean: 1% Electrical problems 99% demons and sh!t.
Funny how the closer I get to the bar the friendlier I become.
If you want to see exactly how angry a person can get, tell them to "calm down" when they`re already pissed off.
How big does a cupcake have to be before it’s just a cake?
Today has been cancelled, due to lack of interest.
To the guy who invented Zero: Thanks for nothing!
My friend said the only vegetable that could make him cry was an onion. That was before I hit him in the face with a watermelon.
One day on Mercury lasts about 1,408 hours. About the same as a common Monday on Earth.
Odd Fact: The names of characters in Inception are: Dom, Robert, Eames, Arthur, Mal and Saito. Note the first letters = DREAMS.