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life is unfair theres 6 days between monday and sunday but only 1 between sunday and monday
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don`t know what he laced them with, but I`ve been tripping all day.
I realized that at my income level "Wealth Management" really just means re-organizing the money in my wallet by denomination.
A walk of shame is always sad. Don`t make it worse by adding the sound of Flip flops to it.
Wives are just security guards hellbent on denying you access to your happiness, and porn collection.
New Years - the only day where its socially acceptable to drink this early.
I`m growing a mullet to test our friendship.
Only at McDonald`s do they say, "Sorry about your wait" and actually mean "weight" :P
The computers were down at work today, so we had to do everything manually. It took me twenty minutes to shuffle the cards to play solitaire.
May your Labor Day contain no Labor!
Take Note: a stress ball can be used for throwing at people who stress you out.. You`re Welcome..
Who actually clicks on the "No I am not over 18" links on "adult" pages?
Not many people can say their Batman wallet matches their underwear like I can.
The first five days after the weekend are always the toughest.
Monday morning coffee is just as important as friday night liquor....almost.