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Porn is so unrealistic. There`s no way a guy with a ponytail could have a house that nice.
On the first day of school, I tell all my students to rip up their textbooks ..then I leave before their REAL teacher arrives.
Is somebody not editing what I´m saying here???
I always thought a chickpea was just when girls go to the bathroom in groups.
Blockbuster sell sweets and ice cream to go with your DVD rental - who the hell wants to rent sweets and ice cream?
Any fool can use a computer ... Many do
I bet someone could get really rich opening a business that untangles Christmas lights!
My parents never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, "Who murdered this guy with a pipe?"
Dear Fork, I understand that we haven`t spoken since I ran away with dish, but I thought you should know that you have a son. His name is Spork. He has your hair. Sincerely, Spoon
I get in this weird mood where I don’t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood ‘Awake’
I almost talked my way out of a ticket today by telling a female cop she was very attractive, but things went sour when I said "and that`s not just the booze talking either".
If at first you don’t succeed, look in the trash for the instructions
I’m always disappointed when a liar’s pants don’t actually catch on fire.
Just ate a sleeve of crackers on my wife`s side of the bed.. I`ll let you know...
hell yeah !!!! i was the lucky sperm !!!!!