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People assume when I yawn that I’ve lost interest in what they have to say but truth be told, I was never interested.
that awkward moment when your pulling the covers up and hit yourself in the damn face !!!
Don´t worry ... It only seems kinky the first time.
My 6 year old has already asked me 4,327 questions this morning. I`m seriously considering getting another Vasectomy just to be safe.
So....if the cup is only half full....I suggest buying a smaller bra
Glad McDonald`s don`t serve hotdogs, I don`t think I could order a McWeiner with a straight face.
My son got one of those `Stop Bullying` wristbands. he took it away from a fat little ginger kid.
If watching the big-screen TV with your pants off and a bag of Doritos is wrong, then they shouldn`t have couches at this Best Buy.
Facebook should allow people to be in a relationship with food. That would be my relationship for eternity.
Today I saw a cat with three legs, which was much better than finding the alternative, just a cat`s leg.
It seems racist that they call it Black Friday just because a bunch of people are trying to get into stores in the middle of the night.
Firemen must dread the moment when they`re done for the day and have to find the strength to climb back up the pole.
I need a new bad decision.
I`m awesome ... Don`t question it, just deal with it.
If you catch me doing a selfie at work, at least offer to take the pic for me.