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I have a new rule: No one is allowed to talk to me for a minimum of 24 hours after I wake up.
Beer and a 44 magnum with an everclear shot makes everything good like Nintendo
I`ve had frozen pizza and delivery pizza in the same day, b!tch you don`t know me.
I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it!
I always look for the best looking cashier at the supermarket and always end up at the self checkout lane
May the bridges I burn light the way.
I think...therefore, I am.....single
I just read that burglars use Facebook to see when people aren’t home. So from now on, I’m at home. With a rifle. And a hungry crocodile.
I`m always amazed that when tragedy strikes how quickly people on Facebook become experts on the subject no matter what it is.
I get very annoyed when people mix up there, they`re and their. From now on I`m going to point it out, weather they like it or not.
I knew we would be the best of friends when you said drinks are on you
Ladies, don`t date him just because his dad has a yacht. Date the dad.
You sure do seem to know a lot about love and relationships for someone who spends 22 hours a day on Facebook.
You know you`re getting old when Happy Hour is a nap.
Bad decisions make good stories.