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Girls think that having their period is the most inconvenient thing they can experience. They`ve obviously never dated a girl who was on her period.
Why didn`t Spider-Man`s enemies just move to a city without skyscrapers?
Wine doesn`t have many vitamins. That`s why you have to drink a lot of it.
Things I hate about work: 1. Waking up 2. Humans 3. Working
Who cares, WTF, OMG, so inappropriate, HOLY HELL ! Good LORD, not another selfie...WHOA NELLIE, NO, NO, and HELL NO!!! Me before unfriending someone.
My idiot future husband is out there somewhere pushing a pull door. I just know it.
I recently added squats to my daily workout routine and I did so by moving my beer to the bottom shelf in my refrigerator.
My shrink says if I take these pills I won`t see you guys anymore.
How come we can put a man on the moon but we can`t made a smoke alarm that can differentiate between a house fire and cooking sausages?
I wish they all could be Jerry Springer girls.
I farted in the apple store and everyone got pissed, not my fault they dont have windows ...
I`m trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can`t find any Twinkie seeds.
True love is when you burn your tongue when you take a bite from a pizza and you still keep eating it.
A roman walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says "Five beers please."
Tip of the day: Don`t be a douche!