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In Store Special - "You`re My One and Only" Valentine`s Day cards... 4 for $5...
I only say "God bless you" twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume you cant be blessed and you`re a demon who must be destroyed.
¦It’s time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.
Tonight`s good mood is sponsored by ... Beer!!
No need to thank me for accepting your friend request. We`ll both regret it soon enough.
I`ve never said "in all seriousness" and actually meant it.
The most expensive part of having kids is all the booze I drink.
Oh, you have a brand new boyfriend? Please tell me more about how you think he`s `the one`.
Do you think that the guy that invented the breathalyzer has any friends left?
People in glass houses can throw whatever they want. They live in a glass house, I`m not expecting them to be practical
I still like going into Burger King and ordering a McWhopper and a McFry.
If Facebook has taught us anything, it`s that a lot of people are not quite ready for a Spelling Bee.
I like to Party! ... and by Party I mean take Naps
Just killed a cricket at work, and, long story short, I`m now being asked to audition for Riverdance.
My Son: The marriage vows say "tell death do us part", so we are not married in heaven ? Me: That`s right son, cause if we were still married, we`d be in hell.