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Looking for one night stand! Probably need two! I have a lot of books
Nothing is impossible. I know a man that once guessed correctly why a woman was mad at him.
30+ and single? There`s an app for that. Wait. My mistake. A cat for that.
Of all the martial arts, Karaoke inflicts the most pain.
Merry Christmas (I apologize if you`re not Christian). Happy Hanukkah (I apologize if you`re not Jewish). Happy Holidays (I apologize if you`re not happy).
If you´re cooler than me, doesnt that make me hotter than you?
When I`m home alone and I walk into the basement, I start talking out loud about all the karate I know.
If it`s any consolation, your Doppelganger is probably having a really awesome day.
I`d divorce my wife but I never want to see her that happy!
Not only am I a master of suspense, but I
I`m telling you, Godzilla must have feet made of steel. I step on a Lego and can`t walk for a month.
After lengthy reflection, I’ve concluded that having kids wasn’t worth the seven times my son took out the garbage for me.
Redneck`s famous last words: "Is that enough duck tape?"
Of course it`s you....there`s no f*cking way it`s me...
If you really can make $10,000 a month working from home why would anyone take the harder job of nailing those signs to trees?