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I don’t think it’s a coincidence that morning and mourning sound the same.
I kind of like it getting dark so early because it gives me a great excuse to just stay inside and watch TV.
"Don`t make me regret this." -things I think when accepting a friend request.
I love how in movies when someone types a really embarrassing secret they always accidentally send it to the whole school, and they also coincidentally have the phone number of everyone.
I don`t like Instagram. It reminds me that somewhere people are doing stuff. I just don`t need that kind of pressure.
Ways to get to my heart: 1) food ... that’s pretty much it
Life is so unfair, why do we always want what we don`t have? For example, right now I want tacos
They might as well put "Uhhh..." in front of every item on drive-thru menus.
If you`re gonna label the silica gel "do not eat", maybe you should label everything in the box. I almost ate a shoe before someone stopped me
Some days the only thought that stops me from being Dexter...is that I am WAY too pretty to go to prison
While wearing a bikini you show 90% of your body -But men are so polite, that they stare only at the covered places.
Decided to cut back on my beer drinking. Fortunately, this martini is helping me through this tough time.
Did you know dryer sheets double as toilet paper and leave your a$$ smelling like meadows and rain drops?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.