Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Calm down mechanic guy. Just here for an oil change. If I wanted to know about all the other shit wrong with my car I`d turn the radio down.
Telling my kids that the Titanic sunk because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage
Just heard about the Obamacare deadline and I`m freaking out. I have so many questions. Who is Obama?
If my sarcasm confuses you it`s because you`re stupid.
Taking viagra for my sunburn. Doesn`t cure it but it keeps the sheets off of my legs at night!
Take mentos and freeze into ice cubes. Put the ice cubes in your friend’s drink. After five minutes their drink will randomly explode.
Nothing says you are ugly like Facebook asking ``Are you sure you want to make this your profile picture?``
We are guaranteed "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness". So, why did happiness get a Lamborghini and I got a `74 Pinto?????
Punctuality is a waste of time since no one is ever there to appreciate it.
I just encountered a spider bigger than my desire to be the man of the house.
I`m no expert, but I would guess the internet really affected encyclopedia sales.
"User Friendly" is just another way of saying stupid.......
I was just watching Ladies Beach volleyball and there`s already been a wrist injury.. No worries, I should be okay in a couple of days..
I want a man who loves me for my personality. Is it really to much to ask, I mean I do have several to pick from.
The Drug Store cashier asked me how im doing as I put some diarrhea medicine on the counter. "Not great man, I`ve got diarrhea" I told him.