Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Funniest thing ever heard on TV. "Ward, you were a little hard on the Beaver last night"
Childhood is like being drunk. Everyone remembers what you did, except you.
Starting to believe I`m trouble
Today I made sushi at home for the first time. I subsituted a hotdog for the raw tuna, a bun for the rice, and mustard for the wasabi!
People who say 45 minutes past the hour must be the same ones who have kids 89 and 63 month olds
I see you liked my status... I accept your invitation for sex.
Video Game Logic: Everyone worse than me is my bitch and everyone better than me has no life.
Fun Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, meatless years.
likes beer. On occasion, I will even drink beer to celebrate major events such as the my birthday or the fact that that it`s Monday.
A month ago I gave my number to this beautiful girl. She said "I will text you when I get home". I think she`s homeless.
I got so drunk last night I tried picking up every woman in the bar and now my back is killing me!
75% of men kiss their wives good bye when leaving the house. 100% kiss their house good bye when leaving their wives.
Not to brag, but my bathroom floor is so clean I can sleep on it. Apparently.
I don’t need pepper spray to stop a mugger, I just open my wallet and blow the dust in their eyes.
When I`m bored, I send a text to a random number saying, " I hid the body, now what?"