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I didn`t get a chance to do yoga this morning or any other morning of my life.
Ha = I didn`t find that funny. Haha = That was funny. Hahahahaha = I want to sleep with you.
I mixed coffee with Red Bull today..I got half way to work when I realized I forgot my car!
Admit it, you should be doing something else really important right now but your on Facebook again.
I wish I could use Shazam to identify people when I cant remember their name.
When you screw up, menopause can be a wonderful excuse for stupid things you do or say!!!
The average power nap is 20 minutes. This works out well because I can fit 3 of them evenly into one hour.
....so then I said, "What gives YOU the right to judge ME?" And then he gets all, "Order in the court!" and starts pounding his gavel down...
Half of my day is just me screaming profanities at an electronic device.
My phone just filmed a 6 hour documentary about life inside my pocket
If cartoons can wear the same clothes everyday then so can I, dammit!
Happy Fathers Day from your handsomerist and smarterist son
Everyone sends text like "good morning sunshine", so I texted "good morning solar eclipse" ... Yeah, don`t do that.
Ladies, I hate to break this to you, but curves and rolls are not the same thing.
I`m a little ticked off, I checked a book about surgery out of the library and when I opened it up I found that someone had taken the appendix out