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I wonder what “don’t touch” is in Braille....
Super Bowl Sunday, the one day of the year that DVR`s are used to watch commercials, instead of skip them!
I`m 99.9% certain that every time a sock goes missing in the dryer, it comes back as an extra tupperware lid
I don`t have any "driving the speed limit" music.
Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance…the five stages of me hitting the snooze button in the morning
Sure, Men love funny women. As long as they are pretty...and skinny...and they have a great pair of knockers!!
Dear axe body spray, Could you Please put a suggested spray size on your deodorant bottles. Best regards, Asphyxiated girls everywhere.
If you never set it, you always have the excuse, "I overslept because the alarm didn`t go off."
Something I never said as a kid: My book stopped working.
A coworker wouldn`t stop bragging about her upcoming trip to Hawaii, so I emailed her a bunch of pictures of plane crashes.
I cannot be held responsible for what my face does when other people talk.
If a coworker asks to borrow your pen - sniff it and say, “I think this one is safe” and see if they’ll take it from your hand.
I`d like to share my innermost thoughts and feelings with all of you, but I`m afraid they`ll be used against me in court someday.
I dont think I could ever stab someone.. I barely can get the straw into a Capri Sun.
I sure could help a lot of needy people if I won the big Powerball draw. Mainly sales people needing a commission, but still...