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When we are small, our mom`s would use really small forks as spoons to feed us...But what about Chinese moms? Would they use toothpicks?
One of the first things they tell you in AA is to stop hanging around alcoholics. So I listened, and never went back.
That person who waits to the last minute to change lanes and expects you to make room. NOT ON MY WATCH!
My New Year’s resolution is to climb Mount Everest, learn 7 new languages, and stop lying.
"I guess you`re right." - No one on the internet ever
I hate it when Hippos fall on me when walking home from school... :D
Of course I`m using OJ as a mixer, it`s flu season.
I don’t drink water, unless it’s been through a brewery first.
I bet if there were little basketball hoops above every garbage can, littering would greatly decrease.
Don`t be sad, laundry. Nobody is doing me either.
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off your life.... Based on the math, I should have died in 1732.
90% of parenting is just screaming at your kids to stop screaming.
Did you ever wonder why the cat was in the bag in the first place?
Being fabulous all day makes me really, really tired.
I carry a knife, but it`s just in case of cake.