Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Some call it alcoholism, I call it "keeping my emotions hydrated"
I can not be held responsible for what my face does when you talk.
I thought Match .com was a place to arrange fights to the death, but turns out it`s a website to find love. So I was close.
Next time you take your dog for a walk pretend he`s solving a mystery.
A golden rule to live by: Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics!
Don`t get me started Bitches, I don`t come with brakes.
Ever met a boring and stable girl who was good in bed? Exactly.
When I get bored I go to a car dealership and ask the salesman to lay in the trunk so I can "see how many I`ll be able to fit".
I`ve been running as fast as I can, but I still can`t catch my breath.
Yes Officer, I carry a knife, but that`s just in case I find a cake.
My resume is basically just a list of things I hate to do.
I`m sorry, all I hear is your perfume
Forecast for tonight: Alcohol, low standards, and poor decisions.
You haven’t truly won an argument until the other person says “whatever.”
You`re right. I don`t have a clue. I`ve never had a clue. It`s part of my charm and it seems to be working for me.