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They call themselves independent women until furniture needs to be moved
Simmer down joggers running in place at a stop light, simmer down.
I just noticed me saying "LOL" everytime I`m laughing = facebook addict...lmao :)
Nothing f*cks up your Friday like realizing that it’s only Thursday.
I can`t be trusted with your alphabet magnets.
How much do those guys who yell in the back of rap songs make? I could totally do that.
I really like compliments but I don`t want anyone talking to me...
I just realized that the only time I`m good at dancing is when I`m about to pee my pants
I read an article the other day that said, "if you drink every day you are an alcoholic." Thank god I only drink at night.
there`s a fine line between "cocky" and "confidence"...and it just so happens I have perfect balance!
Passed a vampire, a zombie, and a prostitute on the way to work tonight. Not sure which ones were in costume…
It really freaks me out that I have a skeleton living inside me......
When I was younger I thought I was bipolar. Turns out I was just an a$$hole who was happy about it.
Sometimes people come into your life and they need to stop doing that
I`m doing a charity gig tonight for people who struggle to achieve orgasm. Don`t worry if you can`t come